The same is
true for our relationship. If it is very important to us, we will find the time
for it. So, if parents are not finding the time to be together, they might
want to examine their priorities and explore why time together might not
be important.
Often time together is important to one partner and not to the other. When this is the case, partners need to explore what is happening
between them that is leading to the one partner not making time
together a high priority. Some of the issues you may want to examine
are:
* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on for sex?
* Is one partner fearful of being pulled on to fill up the other partner
emotionally?
* Does one partner feel fearful of being criticized in various ways when
they are alone together?
* Is one partner emotionally unavailable and the other partner feels
lonely with him or her when they are alone together?
* Has one partner become so preoccupied with being successful or
making money that they no longer have anything to talk about?
* Is fun lacking in the relationship?
* Does one partner feel resistant to being controlled by the other
partner?
* Is one partner resenting the imbalance regarding work, chores and
childcare?
* Is one partner feeling angry or withdrawn? If so, why?
If the real reason for not spending time together is truly about not
enough time, then you need to consider how you can get help, such as
hiring a neighborhood teenager, to do some chores or spend some time
with young children.
If spending time together is a high priority, you can find a way!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
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